Quote:
Originally Posted by stillhealing
My father (75 years old) has NPD. That became very obvious after my mother died a few years ago. Without her around as a buffer, his selfish manipulative behavior was much more obvious, and painful. Many things happened over the last few years, including my father's remarriage 8 months after my mom's death. My 2 siblings and I were very supportive of him after our mom's death, but we were grieving the loss of our mom which my father couldn't quite handle. He needed us all to be focused only on him, and be elated with the fact that he was remarrying. He managed to rally many friends and family members to his side, convincing them that my brother, sister and I (and our kids) were selfish, ungrateful children who didn't want him to be happy. Not true. Extrememly hurtful that people who should have known better believe him. My brother and I decided that it was best for us and our families to discontinue any contact with him. I've made sure to send him cards on his birthday and holidays, and have honored him as much as I can from a distance. My younger sister decided that it was worth whatever she and her family had to deal with in order to have a father in her life and grandfather for her two boys. (My father refused to attend her wedding back in 2001 because we are caucasion and she married a Nigerian.) I've tried to stay connected with her but, because she's living in his NPD world I've noticed a big change in her, and it's obvious that she has a hard time having a relationship with me and my family now. She occasionally tries to make me see how screwed up I am because I'm not diving back into my father's NPD world, but I know what's healthyest for me and my family, so I've ended up having to distance myself, to a point, with my sister too. I guess I'd better stop here. I could go on forever...I'm hoping to connect with other adult children of narcissistic fathers who understand.
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I am so glad I looked on this forum and read your thread. I thought it was me all my life disliking my father for the way he treats me. I feel so guilty feeling like that about my Dad, but he has hurt me so much with his cruel and domineering ways. I have tried everything to do the right thing. My Mum passed away 9 years ago, I think she just gave up trying and doing what she was told by him. The family has fallen apart since then. He has done nothing to keep us all together. My siblings have all turned against me because they do everything he says and they are dependent on him financially. They can't see it but he is controlling them. I have really helped and worked hard for my Dad all my life. Until one day after I got married and saw how my husband's family were and how loving and normal they are with each other. I decided the only way to escape from my Dad's controlling and hurtful ways was to get on with my own life and care for my husband and daughter, who have tried to help me feel better about my Dad. I have lots of supportive friends who also try and make me feel better about myself. I told one of my friends what he was like one day when I went to visit him, (i.e my Dad says some really hurtful things to me when I am on my own with him but never when anyone else is around, when other people are around he is really lovely to me and therefore no one believes how cruel he can be with his words). My friend said it was a type of abuse. It was like a bolt out of the blue, she was right!! From that day on and particularly this day is my final realization that I should not feel bad or guilty at getting on with my own life and keeping contact to a minimum to protect myself. It is up to my siblings to see for themselves what he is doing to them. I have tried to me loving and normal to them, but they think I am wrong for distancing myself from Dad. I must protect my own sanity and my lovely family and new life I have. Although I am in my 50's I feel like a new person with the grey cloud lifted. It is such a comfort to know I have not been the only adult child suffering from the effects of having a narcissistic father. I didn't even know it was termed as a mental health condition. Really hope you have a wonderful life with your family like me!