I do not know where to post this, I got sexual abuse in childhood, later did a lot crazy sex in youth time, involved in night club people etc.now when i trying so hard to get settle down and i find i can not....
i find i can not love anymore it seems, i can love a little, but most part in me is only sex.
I keep seeking high feelings from sex, even fantasy can satisfy me, and I need this high feelings so much to calm me down.....

and I keep seeking guys younger than me, partly cuz of their energy and sexual i guess, partly cuz i lack a real childhood and teenager times....

and those self masturbation really not good for my mental to progress, and i must have to keep doing masturbation until climax. It actually hurts my health now, cuz i m v weak in health.

Deep down i know i need to find a suitable guy who is loving and spiritual , but once i start to talk to any guys, my feelings r blocked, i can not have normal chat with them.