Thanks, Wiki.

No, my reasons haven't changed. Although I got a lot of affirming feedback from many members in group, it doesn't change my situation. It doesn't change the incredible anxiety I feel when I'm in that room. It doesn't change the nature of the group process which is so traumatizing to me.

Because it's a room that includes several people that really seem to care about me, I am heartbroken that I am letting them down and leaving them. I keep hanging onto the hope that I'll come across some "a-ha" moment that will help me understand that all of this chaos will lead to growth by sticking it out there. So far, that hasn't happened.

If I decide to go and decide to stay, I can't help but think that it's only because I don't want to let people down and that I'm holding onto the hope that things will change - and that's the same attitude I had in my unhealthy marriage, unhealthy job and unhealthy friendships. Continuing with that pattern is harmful to me.

Yet I am still heartbroken. I think this may even be the end of me and T.