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Don't feel comfortable as a humanbeing, because each relationship requires me to filter, screen, and decide what to reveal. So weird.

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I have said the very same thing many times to my therapists. Because of all the "maneuvering" I feel I must do, I don't feel like any "one" person which makes me feel like "noone' at all which then makes me feel "inhuman."

I have always felt like an "alien" - like an empty vessel that a "personality" takes over as the situation calls for.

Living like this has made me so unstable in my personality - thus my diagnois - BPD.

The unfortunate thing about this? I enjoyed having this flexibility of personality - it came in very handy - and I purposefully nurtured it. Of course, it never dawned on me what the ultimate consequences would be. Then again, knowing myself at the time I was actively engaged in this behaviour was not an option.

Altered State

(Got a "little" carried away with the "quote-marks" here!)