1st and foremost: my kids are both happy and healthy neither mom abused alcohol during pregnancy, but 'S' did smoke a bit of weed. As a result my daughter, Abigail, is a petit little thing, but has a keen mind.

I am under no illusions as to the reasons for the struggles in my relationships. I have never laid the blame solely at the feet of the women involved because I know I had a big part to play in the way things turned out. I did indeed start at the wrong end of things and definitely stretched myself a bit thin in trying to please them and myself, always looking for validation and gratification instead of finding peace and joy in myself as I did in the time I spent alone very recently. Being alone for a few months (before 'C' and I got back together) was a great experience and I think I am well suited to being alone.

We are still together, but I have made my feelings clear to her... Either we go for couples counselling and actively make a change or I will leave. Maybe a bit harsh, but I do indeed need to look out for myself and stabilize my financial situation.

I have had love before, real and uncompromising love, the kind that not only slowly starts burning from an ember to a flame, but also scorched the proverbial earth like lightening at the same time! And what I feel now, what I am experiencing now is not that at all...

Thank you, all of you, for the advice and support. It means the world to me...

L&L