I'm sorry you felt you needed to lie to the doctor... but maybe it wasn't a lie..maybe you DID tell him the truth right then, while you were with the doctor you really didn't want to die right then? Please don't isolate yourself, you need to be with someone, imo.

Distract yourself..force yourself to watch tv, take a walk, do something with other ppl... that way you can begin to battle these horrible feelings and begin to feel better.

(((((gentle hugs)))) Many of us here at PC have been where you are. TC