Thanks, everyone, for supporting me during this crazy time.

I ended up attending group. The new co-T was there, the new member was there, and the threatening returning member was there. UGH. I pushed through and expressed what I was experiencing. I shared about how I often feel paralyzed. I said that I was very cautious about talking because T accused me of intending to be harmful to the group.

One group member challenged T on it - and T said that he never used the word "harmful". The group member looked at me and asked me if I perceived him saying that or heard him say that. I said that I heard him say it. (And honestly, I have it recorded. So, there's no doubt in my mind at all.) Then, it was dropped.

Later, another member asked me if I trusted T. I froze. I then said that I was unsure at the moment.

Towards the end of the session, I was asked if I was feeling closer to a resolution. I told them I was feeling a little better about group but that I am not feeling good at all about my relationship with T but that I hope it's something we can work through in my individual session.

I spent most of the session crying and being brutally honest. It was hard, but I survived. And most of the group members that care about me showed they cared and were very understanding. The ones that couldn't care less at least kept their mouths shut which I appreciated.

Now I need to figure out how to address T's behavior towards me. I have to come up with a better strategy of how to address it. He is very creative in deflecting and pointing the finger back at me. Telling me how things are my "perception" but yet he can judge me and accuse me of things and it's somehow ok. That's not an environment that I can feel safe in. So, I need it addressed once and for all so that I can determine whether or not I can continue to work with him. I need to take back my power.

xgrpcoT sent me a link to a place that does partial hospitalization that she wants me to consider. It would consist of 4-5 days a week of 6 hour days, doing group therapy with people who have similar trauma issues and individual therapy as well. I need to see if my insurance would cover any of it.