Mue - have you and t ever talked about win-win, win-lose, lose-lose? My t and I have in terms of my mother's view of relationships, but we have also talked about his being defensive. The other ts in his practice have to keep working with your t, but I try to keep a "I have nothing to lose" mentality with my t. I don't mean I'm rude, but I don't want to sweep things under the rug. I want practice in talking out the really difficult disagreeable stuff in a relationship. It's not for t necessarily to decree what's "right" - what is important is to maintain a connection without either kowtowing to the other. But it doesn't sound like he's up for that? But do you ask him exactly this directly? I'm sorry the harmful thing wasn't pursued in group - I think it should have been. Not swept under the rug.