I feel like a waste of air, time, and use. i feel it is abusive to be like this around my family.

Of course, before you commit me for saying those words(most of us worry about being institutionalized after a doctor says, be honest bc i am here to help).

Has anyone felt the guilt and frustration of holding your family and spouse back or down? "if..." that is my most destructive words.

If... i could just clean house like a normal woman
If... I coud show my husband he is number 1
If... I coud be there to pick my kids up from school and help them with their homework at 6pm instead of 8pm.
If... I could just stop thinking negatively for a moment...
If,.. i never married him how much better he would be.
If... i didn't insist on having a 2nd child maybe i could fix this .
If... my family stopped judging and started relating.
If... I could just be normal...