Hi Big Mama -
Of your preamble, the following shouts out to me:

>In some ways I feel like I owe him an apology for the crap that has come along w/ me being his wife. In reality I don't owe him anything.

This seems to be the essence of your predicament. Then in your draft you wrote:

>What started as an apology has turned into an explanation. I do want to apologize for any feelings of deception you have because of me . . . .

How can you apologize for feelings he has? Maybe sorry you had to keep a secret, but you did have to, right? You did what you could at the time. You're sorry he was hurt by this.

It's hard to be open with someone, especially if they are abusing you. It's just plain hard for most people and in most situations, including many or most marriages.

Other than that, I can't evaluate what you wrote. I wouldn't judge it to be any of your suggested things:

>. . .does it say to much, not enough, is it stupid, is it ill written, is it as scattered as I feel?

You need to say what feels right to you. There is no perfect thing. Ideally it could be spoken, but I know how hard that is because it becomes a back and forth. Maybe you need to write and rewrite until it feels right to you. You will know, I believe.