My dad was OK, but my late maternal grandfather reacted to a B I once got in high school in a way that suggested that in his mind, it was "a B today, in prison tomorrow".

At that time I did not know what to do, but now I very much do, thanks to a wonderful joke I read a few days ago. I do not have a time machine so the newly acquired knowledge cannot help ME, but I hope it will help you.

Send him the following letter:

"Dad, darling!

I am moving in with my boyfriend. His body is so great, with a tattoo on every square inch and piercings everywhere from the nose to the penis. But that is not the main thing. The main thing is that I am pregnant with his baby, and he wants to have a new baby every year, and I am so excited about his plan and cannot wait until you have ten grandchildren! I am sure you would be just as excited as I am!

I have learned so many important things from him, and, by the way, marijuana is completely harmless, and we are going to grow it for ourselves and our friends, who will in turn treat us to cocaine and ecstasy. Please pray for better medications for sexually transmitted diseases - my boyfriend has all of them and he truly deserves to feel better. And, of course, I have dropped out of school because I will devote all my attention to raising your grandchildren and growing marijuana.

PS I am actually still by myself and not pregnant and have not dropped out of school - this is just for you to appreciate that my recent "B" is not the end of the world."

***

That, with apologies to people who enjoy having tattoos and piercings, grow marijuana, have STD's, etc.