I have had experiences with sexual spirits called Incubus and Succubis. They at male and female spirits who attach to a human and have sex with them. It was horrible and it lasted for two weeks. It finally went away. I had brought them in unknowingly through a visit in the astral. I have always been a spontaneous astral travel flyer since I was a child. Now I have learned to ask for a protective guide while in the astral. I also pray to the Goddess for protection, I smudge, use incense and take healing herbal baths. Before when the sex spirit was on me I tried everything to get rid of it and nothing worked. So thankfully, it just went away but it was miserable. I empathize with you.

I also know you don't want to go to a psyche ward but I would if I were you. If you are suicidal, you need help. And there is help out there. Please find a nurturing decent place to go and don't spend anymore time with this misery. We all care about you and want you to get better. I know there must be some hospital that would work.

Also I used to be addicted to pain pills. It made me make bad judgements and act impulsively about major life events. And I had a legitimate pain and I had a script from a dr. Doesn't matter. Try an NA meeting if you want to stop using. I can't see that it's helping your situation at all and is probably making it worse. Pain killers drown out bipolar medications and also give you extreme depression.