Hi Bigmama,

I think there is a big difference between saying 'I am sorry that you are feeling bad and struggling with this.' and saying 'I am sorry I made you feel bad and struggle with this.' The first is less an apology in my mine and more a way of saying that you see the effect this has had on him and are sorry (as in sympathetic) that he feels as he does. The latter is an apology and places the blame for his feelings on you. I think you are the only one who can know how you feel and what you want to say, but I think it seemed worth pointing out. It is possible to feel bad for someone and not hold the responsibility for their feelings. I hope this makes sense.

I think the parts where you explain your need to use the computer, and how difficult this is for you too are very strong, very powerful and very clear as to how you are feeling and what some of your needs are at this time.

I also think that writing it down when it's too hard to say is a very good move. Clear communication is so important, and it can be very hard to achieve. So I think your idea of a letter is a very good one.

I hope that it helps both of you, particularly I hope that it leads to greater understanding of how each other are feeling so that you can continue to work on things. And I hope your H is able to use his new found understanding to support you. This might be difficult for him, but I believe it is much harder for you.

Milli

x