Quote:
Originally Posted by skysblue
I find it interesting how we fear change but change happens no matter what. We can't stop change. Learning how to welcome and embrace change is a good goal. Much better than learning how to endure it.
I think if we examine where our fear originates when it relates to change, we might be better able to adjust. What IS the fear exactly?
Do we believe unconsciously that change will lead to death? I remember once when my T was leaving on vacation when I was so attached to her and my emotions were out of whack, I realized that my emotional self believed I might die if she wasn't available to me.
Could there be something so primal in our subconscious that could affect our emotions so strongly? Maybe. Maybe not.
I like to dig deep and deeper to try to find core and possibly archetypal explanations for my painful emotions (and pleasant emotions also).
Existential angst can explain a lot. Simple solutions not readily available though.
|
Thanks, skysblue. I think for me, the fear is that my T is going to leave me. So it's fear of the unknown, when people leave. I do sort of feel like I'm going to die without my T. Maybe not die, but feel totally despondent for a long time. Change is scary! I like to dig deeper too!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ECHOES
Divorce is hard. Perhaps she's getting contacts as a way of boosting her mood, to feel better. Or as a metaphor for choosing to see things differently (through contacts).
I reacted to my T getting a different style of glasses a few years ago. It was like she wasn't the same person! Intellectually I knew she was, but it was unsettling to have her look different. I think that by modernizing her glasses, and appearance, she seemed more "now" and less my idealization of her.
It takes time to get used to change, and you will. But for now, here's hugs to you because it is hard an it is unsettling!   |
Thanks for understanding, ECHOES. I thought people would think I'm being silly. I think my T is fine, better than before. I can tell she wanted this divorce, and she's free now. Maybe I'm projecting how I would be, but my situation is different. I've got to work within my marriage. I identify her getting contacts as part of her "new life". It's threatening to me, and your're right, it's hard and unsettling!
Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
So just say it. Say it's probably transference and stuff, but now she's too cute and for sure she'll never be your girlfriend, and that bums you out. Then you figure out together what the transference behind that is. That's how me and my t deal with my digs against his girlfriends and vacations or whatever.
|
I don't know about this, hankster. It's not that she'll never be my girlfriend; it's that she's stronger than I am, and she's moving on in her life. That's the transference part. She's "leaving" me. I'm left behind. She may even leave the city, but she told me she has no plans to do that. But anything can happen. It's the NOT KNOWING that's also upsetting.
I appreciate your bluntness, though!
