Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Mama
...He has lost all trust in me. He says these things when he is tired, to tired to cover the truth. So when I appolgise, it is for my contribution to this, it is because I feel guilt.
I also know that it is unrational, because I didn't ask for this, and I didn't feel safe enough to tell him, but I still have this strange need to let him know somehow that I understand his frustration and I am so sorry. I didn't keep it from him on purpose. I guess by me assuming the guilt I am trying to make him feel better. It release him of the choices he made that made me be closed off in the first place. I have no self esteem, I am a people pleaser and I always put pressure on myself to make those around me feel loved and happy. I can't do that in this situation. I did the wrong and can't take it back.
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You did something wrong? I thought you kept a secret because it was the best you could do. Even married people have a right to secrets of personal hell and various other things. Sometimes it's too much to be open. I don't think you did anything wrong; you were trying to get some safety for yourself, and you deserve that.
It's great you have this "strange need." That seems like a good impulse to me, a loving one.
If he has lost ALL TRUST IN YOU that is over the top. That is an over-reaction. And certainly a sin of omission like keeping a personal secret seems not as bad as actively abusing someone. Okay, so he says this when he's tired - not thinking the clearest either. Could it be that? Losing all trust in you seems excessive and unrealistic.
FWIW it's worth, sometimes I apologize to my husband for initially reaching out to him, actually. I feel I have been a burden. Then again, so has he. I guess that's how it is. People always bring problems in the package.