Thank you! :-) Oh, sorry to hear that. I know that not communicating with your parents too much can affect, sadly. Well, I always get into fights with him because I know I've changed since I left high-school, Yup, what annoys me is when things are obvious and he's like: I won't say that you're right even when you are. You're my daughter, I'm the man of the house etc...I've never asked for taking my ideas into consideration, only to be accepted. Poor mom often looks at us, but can't help too much when two stubborn persons are fighting. He's afraid 'cause now I have more courage and that I might disrespect him one day. Like I ever wanted to do that, I could've been the shame of the family long time ago.
I'll try to find a job, but during summer. At least maybe I'll have my money and won't need to ask him for it. He wasn't so sure if he should let me study at this college I'm at right now, but he did it anyway. We'll see what this brings, but hopefully I'll go and study music again.
I often try to explain him, but he understands more when he sees my results or when he hears of me from other people.
I know the biggest impact on our lives have childhood and parents. When other people talk silly things about me it just doesn't bother me at all. I just don't like being told about past and how I used to be "back then" by my parents and so on.
I hope at least he'll appreciate your efforts someday. Take care. God bless!
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Originally Posted by unfearless
Oh wow, what a coincidence, i'm also dealing with a big issue with my dad at the moment, but different story.
Me and my dad is like a couple of stranger living in one roof, we rarely talk to each other, but when he do talk to me he will throw a lot of his selfish way of how to live my life so i can become a successful man like him one day. In a good way, he's a great dad trying to help his son, but in a bad way, he's giving me a lot of pressure & hard time. What he dont realize is that HE NEVER LET ME CHOOSE WHAT I WANT FOR MY FUTURE.
When i was 19, my dad wont allow me to choose what i want to study in college, as a result i fail in college, i do graduate, but i fail so bad, i never really study back in college, i spend my times feeling depressed about my problems, about college, and do alcohol & drugs everytime i feel terribly depressed. I always thought that if only i choose what i want for college, maybe my life would be different now, maybe.
Believe it or not, now that i'm 29, he still plays a big role controlling my life. Long story, but the bottom line is i'm still living under the shadow of my dad. Weird huh. I am stressed dealing with him every single day. My friends said "just tell your dad you want to live your own life", its not that easy, and you wont understand my situation with my dad.
You're still 19, you still have a lot of chance to fight for your right. I say yes go find a job if you have spare time, but dont let your job ruin your college. I had my first job when i was 22, as a cashier / clerk in a store, my dad gets lunatic when he found out i'm doing this job, he's too proud of himself and feel ashamed of what his son do to make money. He dont know how to appreciate everything that i do in my life, it happens everytime i get a new job, or when i go to a job interview. It's weird how he cant see that i'm just trying to live my own life, trying to make money, trying to be a man.
You cant stop talking to your dad, he still your dad after all, but you need to make him understand that this is about your future. Dont let this problem ruin your future, tell him that you will show him that you can but he got to let you do this in your own way. Of course you can always ask your dad for opinions or help anytime you feel need it, but the final decision is in your hand.
I wish i can turn back time and do what i just said , cause now my life is mess, i would say 90% because of him.
"Everytime I try to tell him what I'm thinking he says: I know what's in your head better than yourself.If you follow my rules you'll have a good life. Follow yourself and you'll ruin eveything.
Because of him I'm very analytical and afraid that if I do any mistakes he'll start telling me how stupid and retarded I am. He says that he's actually trying to give me motivation, but what I feel to do is leave him."
IT HAPPENS TO ME TOO! It still happens today! I'm really stressed everytime he said that to me. But i just cant stop him doing that to me. I feel exactly the same way about how you afraid doing any mistakes, how you feel like you just want to leave him.
So, dont let him control your life in a bad way, try to make him understand what you have in mind, it willl not be easy, but you gotta do it. Dont let what happens to me, happens to you too in the future. Good luck!
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