My T was wearing contact lenses today. For the first time. It threw me off, so she wanted to talk about why. I said I was afraid of changes and that maybe she's going to move away.

I didn't want to tell her more but I emailed it. I'm afraid she's slipping away from me! She's starting a new life for herself and I'm jealous, but also scared that maybe she'll meet someone from another state and leave. She's also slipping away emotionally. I don't think she cares about me so much. This may be transference about my father remarrying and becoming close to his new family. I know my T is still my T, but she's changing. We talked about how I don't like changes.

I was used to her in her glasses. She's becoming too sophisticated for me. I didn't tell her that. I don't want her to change!

I know this seems silly and unrealistic, but I see my T as someone different now. Someone powerful. We also talked about how I see myself as helpless, and how I can do things I want to do even if my H doesn't want to do them. I want to get passports so we can travel to Canada, so we made a plan, in therapy, that I'd get our photos taken by next week. I stopped at the P.O. to get the forms we need, on the way home. In my session, I said it will probably be too late to travel this summer, and she said it doesn't matter. Just get the passports.

So my session was not SE; it was about me complaining about my life, and about her suggesting changes, and telling me I'm not helpless.

I have to live in the real world. Maybe marriage was one way all my life, but I can still change it.

I said it's hard, and she agreed. I'd like to stay in my fantasy world but that doesn't work anymore. I'm in-between. Still, I'm triggered by her contacts! Yes, I want her to be happy, but the changes affect me even though she's my T and I'm her job, and all of that stuff I know....