I've been married for 11yrs. 2 girls ..8 &10...I have always prided myself in my marriage. Family is important to me. I wanted what i never had growing up. I was a good wife. I kept a clean house, cooked, ironed my husband's clothes, took great care of my girls, worked to bring home extra income. I took care of his dying mother while she was in vegetative state to save the family the cost of hiring a nurse. I went above and beyond with his family and him.

I have a lot of issues. Hard stuff. I went into therapy about 2 years ago for anxiety and only went for about 3mo. I had to stop therapy because i kept moving back and forth for my husband..last year we finally came back in June. Everything was good, we were happy, it was good. I went back to therapy in Nov of last year...the stress from the last 4yrs was taking it's toll on me. I have a history of abuse and stuff was coming up for me, i have no idea why. So i decided to go back to therapy. At the same time i had noticed my husband was changing. We came back and he began a new job, made new friends and then started going out. I didn't go because i was always tired from work, came home to cook, clean, laundry and kids so i was fine with him going. He started not coming home fri nights. We had a lot of arguments...since oct i probably confronted him at least twice a month. I would ask, "is there another woman?" Everytime he would laugh and say that's what you think? No there's not another woman. It turned into routine..fri come home from work, eat dinner, iron his clothes, leave and come back sat am. He always said cause he was drunk and couldn't drive. He would call me but i noticed it was always quiet on his side. He became distant but would still treat me the same, hug me, use loving words. But i felt something.
I expressed my suspicions in therapy and we thought i just had a lot of insecurity because of my past and stuff i was dealing with.
In dec i found pics of a young, pretty girl in his phone memory card. I confronted him and he finally admitted it. He left that same day. The woman is pregnant.

I was devastated. He's been trying to get back together but i can't. He hurt me and our girls so much. I can't go back with him. The woman is mean and evil. She harasses me. She insults me. I don't even know or care about her. I've cut contact with him and his family who now have contact with the woman. He sees the girls sometimes. We only talk about our girls..pick up and drop off times. He tells the girls he loves me.
He says he's not with the woman. I know he's staying with a friend but i don't think he's done with that relationship. He can't be..there's a child. I was abandoned by my father and had 4 stepdads..so i don't want to get in the way of him having a relationship with that child. I cannot save my marriage. I could not allow this child into my home. I just can't. I feel angry and bitter. And because of this i hate myself. I filed for divorce already. I've been feeling very suicidal. I feel like my world came crumbling down. My husband was my first boyfriend, my first love, my first everything. How do i let go? My perfect family that i fought so hard for all these years is ruined. I feel so sad and desperate sometimes. I feel like a piece of trash like nothing. I'm sorry for this long story..i just need to get this out. I want to talk about it so it loses its power. Some days are so bad.