Hi. I am new here. I'm not sure where to post or go for help. I am very suicidal at times, but recently I did something that I haven't done for some time: I cut and burned the word "s**t" over my heart. The last time I really cut myself was when I was about 35 years younger. Part of me is very depressed about ruining myself again, but another part of me thinks that the cutting helped keep me alive because it gave me some release. I lost an entire day [from about 9pm on Saturday until 4am on Monday I am unable to remember anything. My gf tells me that I was running around crazy, moving things around, destroying stuff, freaked out, and scared.] I'm not sure what is happening. I wanted to hurt myself on Monday [permanently] but G-d saved me and I am still here. I want to live. I went to the psychiatric provider where I live but they didn't have room to see me. I would love any thoughts, prayers, advice or things I should consider.
Hopeful Camel