Thanks, Mastodon.

The idea of leaving my T is heartbreaking because I've grown attached to him. I am hoping that we can get beyond this rupture and be in a better place as a result of it. I don't want to be coerced into submitting to him. That would not be healthy.

The ASL idea sounds awesome to me too, but I know a lot of people in the deaf and ASL community, so I'm a bit cautious about the idea. But I will look into it. Also, the partial hospitalization program is an option as well, but that one scares me a bit.

xgrpcoT emailed me some links to pages that identify aspects of abusive Ts. She said that he doesn't meet all of the ideas but definitely some. That scares me. Big time. Especially when it's coming from a T that has worked with him. And my exH's ex-T also mentioned a couple things here and there that I probably took too lightly - but indicated that he seemed afraid of my T.

I don't want him turning into a monster in my eyes. I know he doesn't deserve that after all the good work we've done over the years. But, I also need to face the reality that if we can't overcome this hurdle, I have to do what's healthy for me. And that's scary.