Nicole,

In your writing, you make it appear that you and your siblings are cute innocent little lambs while your mother is a crazy irrational wolf.

In reality, and let us call a spade a spade, you and your siblings are engaged in what is called ageism. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ageism

You are in "good company" - together with racists, people who believe that wheelchair-bound individuals should not have sex, people who believe that obese individuals should not run marathons, etc. etc. So in reality it is all quite ugly, what you and your siblings have been doing. Your mother may not be a lamb, what with mismanagement of money and saying lies about your dad, but you guys are most certainly all wolves.

Clearly, you and your siblings benefited immensely from your mother's sexuality back when your mother was relatively young and married and her sexuality was being expressed in the way that tops the list of what is being approved and sanctioned by society. You benefited because you guys were given the gift of life as a result of that sanctioned expression of sexuality.

And now you are mad that she is expressing sexuality in ways that are not sanctioned by society and yield absolutely no benefit to you! She has younger friends, and not just younger, but the age of her children! How horrible! What a shame that you cannot institutionalize her right away, right now, and trust that the management of a senior center of your choice would make sure your mother never, gasp, visits bars!

If you fail to see it for what it is, at least try to imagine that one day you might have a younger crowd of friends and not want your children to judge you. Try to put yourself in your mother's shoes - Confused offered one of many possible reasons for your mother's behavior.

Édith Piaf, the most popular French singer of the 20th century, "In 1962, she wed Théo Sarapo (Theophanis Lamboukas), a Greek hairdresser-turned-singer and actor who was 20 years her junior." (quoting from Wikipedia on her personal life). "It is said that Sarapo drove her body back to Paris secretly so that fans would think she had died in her hometown. She is buried in Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris next to her daughter Marcelle, where her grave is among the most visited."

So when she died, the society's establishment (in her case, represented by the Roman Catholic archbishop of Paris) denied her a funeral mass because of her lifestyle (which included lots of lovers, alcohol, etc. etc., and, conceivably, included having a much younger husband). Parisians did not care at all about what the Roman Catholic archbishop of Paris thought of her lifestyle, and the crowd that gathered to mourn her death caused the traffic in Paris to come to a complete halt, which had never happened before in the time of peace.

While your mother would not sing as well as Édith Piaf sang just because your mother has younger friends (it does not work this way), I hope you can learn from the wisdom of the Parisian crowd that halted traffic, and move away from the stance of the society's establishment represented by the Roman Catholic archbishop of Paris.

Your friends who recommend distance are right - if you cannot tolerate your mother's younger friends, you should increase distance, but you should stop trying to explain to your mother why her youngest child is uncomfortable - her youngest child is uncomfortable for reasons that are reprehensible rather than commendable, and it is wrong to attempt to justify those reasons, and, even worse, feel self-righteous about those reasons - you and your siblings are being self-righteous in your ageism. Remember that only a few decades ago interracial marriage was not allowed in America - you can be sure that the white people who were against interracial marriage felt as self-righteous as you and your siblings feel now.

I would also recommend you watch https://www.thebigweddingmovie.com/ because it is a great movie which is very funny and well done, and it takes one baby step away from ageism. The only erotic scene that is actually depicted is between young people (unknown actors, I believe), but there are hints at erotic scenes between people of the parents' generation (all played by top actors/actresses). While the hints are at erotic scenes between older people who are age peers and not across generations, the film is still a step forward and away from ageism. So I recommend that you and your siblings all watch it.