The day I went into the hospital, ALL DAY the previous day things were so bad that I was definitely going to put my plan into action that evening. I was kind of fishing around for help though. I called a friend and let him know I was in trouble and asked if he could visit. He said he would come by that afternoon, but he never did. That almost broke me.

But once my mind cleared I realized that although from my point of view I got on the phone very sternly and said "I'm feeling really badly, I think I may be in danger, and I don't think I should be alone... can you come over?" What I really said was "Hey, how ya doin', I'm alone today, think you might be able to drop by, if you have the time, if it wouldn't be out of your way..."

What we think we are saying and what other people is ALWAYS an issue, it's the nature of humanity and communication... but when we are depressed it is multiplied by a thousand because we intentionally hide our true thoughts, we set "tests" for other people to see if we are "loved" (and we set up those tests to ensure failure), and no matter what the result of the communication we see it in the most negative light possible.

The very good thing here is that you recognize that you need to call out for help. And you recognize that your instinct for calling that attention to make people how bad off you really are is the WORST POSSIBLE WAY to do it. If you do that then you truly are doing it only for attention, and although your motives are good, other people won't make that distinction.

When you get the urge to do that why don't you call one of those people instead, make sure you state specifically how bad off you feel and exactly what you would like from them, and if necessary tell them everything that you have talked about here. Let them know specifically that you are thinking of hurting yourself, that you know you don't want to, but that you can't think of anything else to do.

If the first person you call is not responsive, call another... find someone to help.

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--http://www.idexter.com