Mue - when my current t would get defensive with me - and I'm not saying this would work with your t cuz it's something we did for many years - I would just say, "me? You're getting defensive with me? Who you know loves and adores you so much?" And other mushy stuff that said he was safe with me. And I kind of laughed at him. As in, we're in this together. As in, he's stuck with me now. Like total earth mother. But I know some men - some people - don't like to show that soft side around.