I can relate to your emotions towards sex, your hub, and guilt & self-hate. Not an uncommon effect of sexually abusive histories.

I don't know how to work through this major struggle on your own. Even with a T, and your hub, it takes time and hard work. I don't think that you should keep these strong emotions that you have inside. You need to open up and trust your husband. It isn't an easy task, I know. But, that's what part of you is yearning for ~ gentle understanding and support.

Some men are more helpful than others in situations like these. In the beginning, my ex-hub was understanding & willing to slow things down a lot to reassure me. After a few years, physical and emotional illnesses outweighed my desire to continue working on improving my sexual appetite. The result was rare sex and dissociation to get me through it. Not real healthy, as you can see. I felt incredible guilt and shame for everything. My self-hate continued to increase exponentially!

I strongly encourage you to try to be upfront and honest with your hub, and get individual help in working through your SA past. In the U.S., there are lots of county therapy resources that work with an sliding scale, which ensures that those with MH issues aren't avoiding necessary T, due to financial cost.

Sliding scale fees - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia