I feel stupid that I post so damn much, but I have no where else to go. If I call my mom we get into a fight, she says "no wonder you were such a terrible child" when I told her my diagnosis. The people I live with can only handle so much, and I don't have any friends because no one can handle me!!! I begin to wonder what my purpose is. What kind of joke is this? I'm supposed to want to go on when everything in my life is pain? If I try to make friends it blows up in my face and I get hurt. If I hide away and avoid people I get lonely and it hurts! THERE'S NO WAY TO WIN!! I HATE people! So why do I feel like I need them in my life? Why do I need life? I'm so sick of all of this! And no where I go can give me a CLEAR diagnosis. It's always changing. And it's all different from what my psychiatrist diagnosed me with!! I just want to get better! RIGHT NOW! I'm SO sick of hurting all day everyday!! I want to be normal! I want to have friends! I want to be able to have a relationship with people! I want my family to CARE! I want the want to do things! I have no one to go to when I feel like this, I'm all alone. Everyone thought I was faking it and got mad at me. WELL I'M NOT! I really DO hurt. And "normal" people don't get it!! They say "just stop" I HATE THAT STUPID SENTENCE!!!! They say "YOU control your feelings" DO YOU THINK I WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY!? LIKE REALLY!? Seriously what kind of stupid joke is my life!? Let's see how ****ed up we can make a person and then throw them into the world and see how long they last!?!??! WELL I QUIT! I want a do over! I want to be someone else now, cuz me SUCKS! I don't want to do this anymore. So why am I forced to? Cuz MAYBE one day I'll be happy!? Well it doesn't seem worth it to me! GAH! I hate my life!