Thanks, hankster. This is helpful. I was considering something along those lines as well....reminding him up front about how I feel about him and our relationship, the good stuff. But I thought that considering he's a T, he would see through that strategy

It's worth a shot though. I need him to see that I am not coming from a place of trying to harm. And I'm really not. It seems that no matter how I talk to him, he accuses me of being a certain way - and I end up confused because I can't imagine that I was that way - and I feel stuck in confusion. Before I even mentioned that to xgrpcoT, she said that she had that experience with him many times and has heard of many others feeling the same way. Like, he's triggered and absolutely cannot see past his own defenses..and questioning him at that point ends up escalating the issue to the brink of insanity. Then later, after he's calmed down, he'll address it totally calmly as if nothing happened - no acknowledgment of his crazed reaction.