definitely something from childhood. i suck at making/keeping friends. everyone is at arm's length or further away, except husband. but even he gets pushed away sometimes because i don't want him to think bad of me.

i was raised on a metaphorical island out in the middle of nowhere and wasn't allowed to get out and do things with other kids. no after-school programs because parents told me they wouldn't come pick me up at night and i didn't have anyone to give me a ride home. we lived too far out of town for it anyway. i didn't have anyone to count on, i guess, for a lot of things. so i can't bring myself to trust other people. i'd rather just do it myself. if my own parents don't want to help, why would anyone else, right?

"healthy" relationships require a certain amount of trust. but at the same time, i think i've done okay making friends with the people i work with. granted it took me months to start talking to them about anything other than work when i first started, and i still guard a lot from them, but they share a lot with me and they just accept that i'm a secretive person. people around here don't mind secrets. (which isn't always good but it works out fine for me, lol)

as for how i make friends, i think i posted about it on another thread before, but i don't think it was taken too well. it's just a matter of finding or making common interests. finding out what a person likes and then learning about it so you can make conversation later. a lot of people have interesting interests. you just have to ask questions. people love talking about themselves, so it's not hard once you figure out the right questions.