Thanks Mandrec - I was told I could have both, and its very possible that as I get older I am learning to cope with the BPD better, but am beginning to cycle from BiP worse -- I know that the desperation at being alone and some of the other bpd symptoms have certainly lessened. Hard to know if my irritation/anger (and i share a sensitivity to too much stimulation/light/sound) is from dysphoric mania states or from that instant reaction to environment of BPD -- OR if the instant reaction from BPD is triggered because I am in a dysphoroc manic state-- and in the end I just want help, regardless of what or why. I hate being angry. I dont want my kids to remember me as this Happy Rager.