I'm not sure of how old you are, but I know for me, 18-25 were my insane years. It was during that time I was first diagnosed with BPD. Other than the movie Girl Interrupted, I'd never heard of it, so thought YEAH RIGHT, that is NOT ME.

I poisoned all those close to me it seemed, cept some that were even more messed up than I was I also had three young children, as I had my 1st at 16 and third at 22. Guilt, Shame, self hate.. omg. I hated myself so desperately.

We have a need , a primal core need, to be around others. To be part of the clan. To be part of the community, however we also have a need for solitude. That can be really frustrating. Life goes in (sometimes very harsh) cycles. This might be your time for solitude and might remain that way for some time. I am 41 this year and only in the past five years have i started feeling like not a complete failure 100% of the time.

I actually have good days now and I actually have some friends, but it started with needing to heal and grow and some of the most beautiful trees that grow require space around them... still needing to be part of the forest, but requiring that space to get a good firm hold. So, just try to ride out these waves and these cycles and know you aren't alone and that although sometimes it feels like it will never get better, it does.