I know you all must be getting tired of reading my posts by now but this is what is helping to keep my head above ground!! I have always felt totally alone until I came in here and at least now I know I am not the only one that feels certain ways!!! there is so much on my mind and my feelings are so screwed up that I cannot figure them out!! I hate this!!!! its like I am banging my head up against a wall!!! I have so much to deal with but yet I cant shut my brain up long enough to figure anything out!!! I went to my regular dr yesterday and she prescribed me abilify 5mg for one week and then 10mg, but yet I didn't take it today!! Why? Why do I refuse to take meds? I know deep down that I need them but yet I don't want to take meds!!!! my pain dr also gave me .5 mg klonopin to take at bed time to help with the pain and so that I can sleep....I took half of one last night which did not do much good! I don't know, you know I am sitting here and damn I cant get it out of my mind that just ending everything would be so much dam easier than dealing with this physical and mental pain day after day!!!! oh well, this too shall pass, I guess!!!!! once again thankyou for listening and any feedback