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Originally Posted by Anne2.0
I hope that everything will be all right with your grandson. I haven't been through this with a child that I know, but I'm always impressed with the news stories of how well children do undergoing extensive surgeries. I wish your family the best.
On changes, I relate to this. There is something painful about people changing when we love them. I've experienced this on the flip side recently, because I recently dramatically changed my hair and some people have had a difficult time with it.
But I think it's pretty normal to freak out a bit over changes with the T. Sometimes I wonder if the intensity of your feelings is made more so by your labeling of them as such. What I mean is that sometimes the act of observation (unlinked from a judgment) of a thing, like how you feel about your T, changes the thing itself. Maybe just letting up on the "my feelings are so intense" storyline and replacing it with "there I notice my feelings again" might lead to a different experience with this.
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Thank you for the good wishes for my grandson. I saw him today (he's home) and he looked a whole lot happier than he did last night!
What you said is exactly what I've learned in DBT. I did
try to simply observe my feelings without judgment, and to be curious about where they're coming from. T helped me do that. I get what you mean by not labeling them as intense, and I can use wise mind and radical acceptance too. I talked about it in my DBT class today. I'm aware that I have to DO something in MY life, i.e. make changes, so that I will be able to stop wanting my T's life and stop wanting her to be here for me forever. I have to radically accept the "in love" feelings that might accelerate now that I can see her eyes better. I didn't tell her that part of it.
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Originally Posted by stopdog
My father, who was married to my mother for 40 odd years before she died, is happily with another woman now. I was very happy when he started dating again and then when he found her. It makes him happy which is a good thing (he and my mother were also happily together).
I hope your grandchild is doing okay.
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Thanks, stopdog. That's how it was with my Dad. His marriage at age 80 to a woman about the same age was like a fairy tale with a happy ending for a number of years! I'm glad he was happy, but it was still a surprise to me when he told me he was getting married. He became closer to his wife's family than to me; that's the part I resented.
Thanks about my grandson; he's okay.