I hope none of this content is triggering for anyone, let me know if any language is blatantly problematic. I find it hard to talk about these things without verging on the side of being triggering now matter how lightly things are said.

I can't believe I was 'triggered' the other day. The term has always seemed weird to me, and I wasn't triggered into self-harming.. not right away. I was triggered into an anxiety or panic attack, I could feel my adrenaline rush. I'm still coming down and feel a lot of stress from it about 3-4 days later. The night after I got frustrated with a family and ended up taking out out on myself. I'm really excited that I didn't damage my skin, that I didn't use any tools... but I still hit myself and I can feel it today even though there are no bruises.

I'm trying to forgive myself of that, and break the habit because I found myself doing it again the next morning because I was so frustrated. This probably means I'm at day 0... but today I'm taking the time to exercise, and do yoga throughout the entire day. I haven't been able to focus on my school work and that's really concerning because I have a week's worth of work now due by Saturday.

I wish I could eat better, and avoid the coffee but my household sustains 3 people on foodstamps and we regularly run out of food 2 weeks before refill despite how well we budget and plan the meals. 4 more days until that refill and we have 4 eggs, 1 onion, and a bunch of white bread. I feel that none of this is going to equip my body with the right stuff to fend off hormone imbalances and anxiety but I'm glad that I'm not dealing with depression at least.

Anyone have any suggestions about how I can regain focus so that I can do my school work without falling on cyclic thoughts about what set me off 3 days ago?