Know this...you are not alone.
I have known my T for over 10 yrs. I recently began seeing her again about 18 months ago and I still have issues talking and getting things out. I still have issues with trust. I want to talk but this block happens and I am trapped.
It isn't that I do not trust T at all...but, I remember trusting someone who said they cared about me only to be their little rag. They taught the Little girl who is still inside me @ 37 years old that no one can be fully trusted.
He took more away then I think will ever get replaced.
So, I don't have the answer on how to heal. It is certainly a process.
But, I did want you to know that you are not alone in how you think or react!