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Originally Posted by aintworthlivin
I'm only 33
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Well that part is great - so you are young and with a record of being productive and confident. Cannot complain about that, right?
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Originally Posted by aintworthlivin
userid=aintworthlivin
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At the same time, you chose a truly "dark" userid. Food for thought.
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Originally Posted by aintworthlivin
1) She even told me that she loves me more than anything
but 2) that she's so repulsed by being intimate with me that she can't even force herself to as much as open mouth kiss me. Anytime we talk about it she tries to make me feel bad by telling me I'm disgusting and a pervert. It's hurt my feelings so bad and completely destroyed my self esteem.
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Most people would realize that (1) and (2) are mutually exclusive.
So, three possibilities:
a) she has an extreme degree of mental retardation with IQ in the 3rd percentile and cannot comprehend that (1) and (2) are mutually exclusive. Either you love somebody, or you try to make him feel bad and destroy his self-esteem.
b) she has an unusual concept of what love is, and while it may be valid per se as all kind of unusual concepts are, it is not fitting for YOU.
c) she does not love you.
(a) is unlikely because one cannot be so retarded selectively in the area of hurting one's chosen husband. Were she retarded, there would be other manifestations. So, ruled out.
(b) means that she can live on her own and continue to love you in her unusual way, while you live on your own and eventually find women whose concept of love is less unusual.
(c) means that you should divorce her, because she is not just passively not loving you, but she is actively destroying your life. So, the earlier you get out, the better. And, you have no kids, you are young, not much ties you to her, you will have lots of options, so just cut the losses and hire an attorney.
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Originally Posted by aintworthlivin
I usually just go along with it and don't put any pressure on her in hopes that she'll one day come around but it's killing me.
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I do not know what you mean by "come around". If you mean "will get her desire for you back", yes, everything is possible, though not highly likely. But the main issue is not her lack of desire but how she treats you, since you suffer so much not from her lack of desire, but from her aggression. Calling you a disgusting pervert is an act of aggression, so, essentially, your home is currently a war zone.
All sorts of things can happen to people that make them lose the drive. If all that is at issue is the loss of drive or attraction towards you, then there are things worth saving and you can engage professional help in the form of a couples therapist or a sex therapist. You do not have her lack of desire or attraction for you as your main issue. Your main issue is the war zone at home, and therapists do not resolve such issues, generally speaking.
So just be happy that you are only 33 and have wasted only a couple of years of your life, tell your wife that you will go your own way now and that you appreciated her and wish her the best in her future endeavors.