I guess you are adding troubles to problems.
You have real problems, like a non-supportive real family, a job far from your place. Non everyone can face this easily.

Instead of supporting yourself, like a good mother, like fan of yours, seems like you are judging every single thought, feeling, impression: should I be feeling this? hey, why am I thinking that?

Feels like some kind of dissociation that might be related to the family breakup. Aunt and uncle have been wonderful to you, but you must learn how to cope with the breaking up with your family.
Sounds like a counsellor would be the person for you.

If you are in a big city, in italy, i guess there are english speaking counsellors. Or maybe, by now, you talk my language pretty well?