I've felt exactly as you do, and I thought I was going over the "edge" at one point. It got so bad, that I signed myself into a mental hospital for a couple of weeks, and it was the best thing I could have done for myself.

When we're not well, we have to DO something about it. You need to see your doctor so he can refer you to a good therapist! Having depression as you do is an ILLNESS --- it's just like having diabetes or something. There's no shame in mental illness. It's not like it used to be where they put a stigma on it. If you ask me, everyone on earth should see a therapist at one time or another -- we ALL have problems! NO one is free from issues.

See your doctor, my friend and get a referral to a good therapist. If you can't afford therapy or if you don't have insurance to cover it, he can put you on an antidepressant. Now, please don't tell me you don't want to take medications for depression -- it's NO DIFFERENT than taking meds for diabetes or any OTHER illness!!! Depression many times is caused by the chemicals in our brain -- the hormones & chemicals get out of whack or are completely lacking and have to be replaced by the anti-depressants! Without the medication you will NOT get well, regardless of what you do!

See your doctor, okay? He'll take care of you. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee