I am getting to be a mess! My T maybe thinks I already am. I don't have money left to keep seeing him every week or any other time or frequency. Its over. I am supposed to see him one last time tomorrow night (Wednesday). I am so emotional from my old stalker being back in the shelter system and trying to talk to me and everything--my mind is totally melted!! I stopped going to my job in September because I started thinking and remembering and crying then. Things only slightly improved but with the overnight shelters being open and the stalker being around again, things are worse! Anxiety about my lack of money situation isn't helped at all by my emotions. Emotions like these are worse than anxiety. I am lost. My "life" is nothing. These emotions melt my mind to nothing. So I do nothing. I become nothing. I will wonder if I even exist. Or if I can exist in a world of nothing. I don't know what to do anymore or where to go. All 4 tires on my car were slashed this morning--surely by another homeless person still seeking revenge for me getting the order of protection against my stalker almost 2 years ago, and already expired one year ago. A police report was filed and insurance is covering 4 new tires, but I have a $250 deductable. The overnight shelter sites are actually at churches, and while waiting for the tow truck this morning one of the pastors arrived for work. He couldn't help but to notice the tires on my car and came over to talk to me. He said that he would talk to the senior pastor, but he thought they could help and pay my deductable for me--and they are! You don't know how touched and relieved, even, I felt when I heard that! I had only $600 in my bank account last weekend--that is prior to paying any bills now due or already late (including storage), or the $280 car payment or the bill for my T. There's also the need for gas in the car, my cell phone, the gym so I have a place to shower, and laundry. I just got the bill to renew my auto insurance a few days ago--that's due just about in time for my birthday next month. I am not emotionally ready to find a new job and go back to work right now. I could see part-time work--MAYBE!--but that is still mood dependent. There is so much more that has been happening. Right now, I am very afraid to be here that something more will happen to my car--and I don't have money to pay for it! Or the sanity and emotions or strength to! I don't want to go to the shelter sites anymore after this today, but there is no other place to go. I really don't know what to do or where to go.