Well, I am at a fork in the road. The other day I was feeling real well and thought I was talking a lot more than usual. Then over the past couple of days I've fallen back to the same way I've been for five months, quiet with not much to say. I don't think this is a result of my confidence, which my mother likes to believe. I think it's a result of my illness. I can't help but wonder why I am not remembering things to talk about, or being able to jump from one thought to another one. I talk better online, but there is still a lot I feel is missing.

Some days it's like I just want to give up and try to live the best I can with the way that I am now. Other days I have firm belief that I will get better and will pick up where I left off. I am so confused right now. People come out of psychosis all the time and don't seem to have this problem. My doctor doesn't even know what the problem is. She recently prescribed me abilify. Which worked for a second and I was on top again. To many times have I been up and down (more often then not down).

So my question is, is not having anything to say a result of confidence or the illness? If it's confidence I can fix that, if it's the illness, will it go away with time or what?