Ok so my life is far from perfect and I hope I don't make people think that everything hunky dory and I'm doing fine and wtf is he here for anyway? Because overall, things may be up, but I still struggle. I just choose to post the good going on because I want to focus on it and have the goal of giving others hope that things can get better.

So this is so trivial for so many people in this world so I imagine some of you may go "so what?" but I'll explain why... it means so much to me.

For once in my life, after 13+ years of marriage, letting someone else have control of the finances in my life, dealing with late fees constantly... I just paid my cell phone bill. It's about a week late, but I called them, they were ok with it and let me pay without any kind of problem so essentially I've had my cell phones since Christmas, and they've had the balance paid off each month since then. Why is this significant? Because never before while being married was this happening. We had so many phones turned off and lost our accounts due to this more times than I care to recall. I went without a personal cell phone for years. So this is the first time I've been consistent with it and up to date. it's a good feeling and makes me feel in control of my life if only just a small portion of it right now. The other thing is that I actually have been at the place I'm staying, an extended stay hotel, which charges by the week, for what, 13, 14 months? I have had to pay late maybe once in that time and that was in the very beginning. Since then I also have been on time, paying the rent first before other things and that, in full, every 2 weeks. Feels really good not to have a landlord scowling at you, looking down on you or calling you on the phone. it's nice, maybe Im actually ok with money.

Granted, I still live check to check, with other things going out and my spending should get under control, but honestly, it's after the necessities are taken care of and I set aside food money, buy what I need first. it's just I don't keep much if any, of the rest of it above that o.O yeah that's bad but hey, I'm still taking care of waht needs to be taken care of! yay me ... not really I mean this is normal life so I deserve no accolades for this but it makes me happy nonetheless.

There is a lot to be done still... I still have a ticket to pay (already set aside for this check) to get my license back. then in two weeks it's off to the dmv, and vehicle registration to get my car (finally) back on the road. it's so close I can taste it haha...

There is hope, everyone... remember who this is coming from, I've struggled for many months and felt the dark hole that many of you feel now and it felt endless at times. In time, things always change, get better and we can breathe again. I hope this helps someone out there to know even in the worst times, there is always hope