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Originally Posted by MdngtRain
I am no stranger to dissociation, as I have done it to various degrees as long as I can remember. The weirdness has just started recently though (the last 6 months or so). I was reading on co-consciousness, but it's not quite the same. I have told me T about it, but he doesn't really seem to be able to tell me what it is, he just kinda listens. I guess I don't make it clear I am trying to categorize this because it is weird and new to me.
I have dissociated (at least) twice now where my thoughts and voice are one part of me, but I have no real control over my actions - meaning they don't come from the same place. The first time I noticed this was during my first or second session with my new therapist. I was triggered by seeing the funeral home and cemetery where my aunt was buried for the first time in about 20 years. My head felt distant as did my voice, but the distant part of me was doing the talking. My body however, was working to self-soothe. I was playing with a stress toy, but only because I felt like someone was "telling" me to do so, and my body was just doing it because it felt compelled to do it... I don't feel like I'm explaining it correctly, but I can't find the words to convey the difference.
Anyway, it happened several more times since then, and again this past week. My head/mind feels disconnected from my body. I feel like I'm talking and thinking from another room. It's not quite depersonalization (in my opinion) because I feel connected to what I say, but not necessarily my actions. It kicks in when I get stressed or feel threatened. It happens when the self-destructive part of me kicks into high gear - I feel like I separate myself from that, though not consciously. In the past, it always resulted in total dissociation complete with loss of time. Now, I know what's going on, but just not connected to it. I feel compelled to the action, but not really like I have conscious control over it. Mostly it's actions to help keep me safe, but I'm not always having unsafe thoughts, just stressed.
Has anyone experienced this (either the change in dissociation value or the weird disconnect)? It's unsettling, and I guess I'm just grasping for answers. I have yet to find an adequate way to describe all this. I cannot seem to find the words that covey what it really feels like.  |
here in New York which is in the USA what you posted is called by many names depending upon other accompany symptoms...hallucinations, delusions, psychotic episode, sleep deprivation, stress, anxiety attack, medication problems, depersonalization/derealization, dissociation, DID....
it all depends upon your own diagnosis, what you are doing when it happens, what type of meds you are on, what your eating habits are like, what your sleep habits are like, coping tools ....
with in ....me....my treatment providers have told me its many different things.. when it has happened as part of my dissociative symptoms they told me I was actually experiencing a completely normal form of dissociation...
dissociation is one of those things that happens to everyone at some point in their life because its a completely normal reaction to all kinds of things. its how the brain works. Some locations call this form of dissociation ...flight or fight.... when under stress or other problems a person's brain either causes them to start "fighting" their problems to solve them or their brain places their body and mind of "flight"... where their body and mind is on a normal form of dissociation where their body is automatically doing things and the mind is reacting from a distance.
some people have this to varying degrees, some to where they feel like they are watching from the ceiling or off to the side of their self or behind their self. all the while their voice sounds like its far away,and their body compelled to do some repetitive motion. when this happens to me I tend to twirl my hair, or doodle automatically while my voice sounds distant. I have also been known to feel like I am watching from inside a wall or floating on the ceiling.
there are grounding /breathing/forms of relaxation that can help you get control over your dissociation.. I use yoga,, breathing exercises, sensory stimulation and the physical activity of rowing my canoe on the lake, sometime scented candles and aromatic foods like apples and cinnamon.
my suggestion if this continues to bother you contact your treatment provider, they can help you learn what grounding exercises will help you combat this. theres also many tests you can do that your treatment providers can suggestion as a way to discover what this is with in you as there are many different physical and mental health issues that can cause this. Once you know what has triggered it, its relatively easy to find the solution to this not happening again or as much.