We both laughed toward the end though. I told T i suddenly had a vision of my mother lying dead in a coffin at her funeral & I ask the vicor/priest if I can say one last goodbye to her, he with a gentleness says 'of course' and I suddenly pull out a knife hold it to her throat and say 'goodbye mum I love you'. T's head went back with a silent laugh, I added of course I'd turn to the people in the pews saying 'its ok folks, this us how we showed our love'.
T did add that the only way my mother could accept my love was in the form of attack. That my wanting to cuddle her felt more like a knife attack to her because of her past.
Oh well. Hidehi