Ok anxiety is mildly bothering me now.

So my ex has been living with a dude who apparently has turned out to be abusive and mean to her, let alone kind of an all around loser anyway. So she called me to rant about it telling me she's done with him and is leaving for MD (We are in NC right now) Well she hasn't seen the boys and I've been with them exclusively for over a year. I'd already planned on them visiting her where she is now but she mentioned having them over the summer.

First thing I panicked about her (this was yesterday) pulling some kind of crap and trying not to let them come back. (I still have the fear that she won't want to let them come back but it's mostly irrational, this is their home and she acknowledges that she needs to get her act together right now) Anyway we talked and I felt a little better. She then said she wasn't leaving yet... then something blew up again and she called me to rant again about her bf. (why me? I'm not your SO technically anymore) Well I calmed her down and let her know nothing regarding the kids to worry about that I would never keep them from her. Anyway.. so we talked about it and she was to let me know.. when she figured it out.

She's leaving Tuesday and said she wants them to come up in a couple weeks.. I said to wait til the 28th for the youngest to be out of school first and she agreed. Well I hope to have them back by the 12th of august (my bday) and she said "I'll do my best" that threw me. "do your best?!"

So anyway.. There's still the twinge of fear that I'll lose my boys or something. After all I've done this past year or so.. taking care of them, working with the schools... feeding, clothing, sheltering them and everything I just dont' want to lose that D: ya know? But where she is going I know is not ideal for them, living with her, their adult brother, their grandpa... just not ideal. I think they will get bored fast there too but anyway.

So I told my boys the other night that their mom would be likelly moving and she wanted them up there.. without fishing.. for the summer and they both got this look on their faces... I asked "You don't wnat to move there huh." They both adamantly said no... which made me feel good but I let them know it was just for a visit and for the summer not permanently.. the youngest just said "Oh!' like ok.. Glad they are happy with being where we are!

Anyway... so that's just the beginning. for several weeks I will be really alone and I'm not not not looking forward to it. I know it will be ok but at the same time I dont' sleep well when I am alone. Its weird... I don't like an empty house/room/place. ITS GONNA SUCK BIG TIME.

I think it will all be fine in the end, but still.. there is that anxiety. I don't need anything throwing a wrench in the good stuff happening. So I gotta get ahold of myself before it blows up emotionally on me. :/

Just ranting, thanks for listening.