I think this will sound a little weird - I'm not sure what to make of it myself - but I actually love my partner to be a bit controlling/possessive...

I think I do understand that in your case it all comes from insecurity - I guess it is always the case, some just pitch it as if it was power and it can be very effective.

I would say it *IS* a BPD "thing".
Is being attracted to a controlling/jealous partner a BPD thing?