First of all i want to thank your all, its means so much to me to have friends that have compassion, no i dont have any family to help me, my mother is a drunk and makes bad decisions so idk i dont really feel like dealing with her insanity atm. I told me kids papa died and thats all Ive been able to say, idk Im still in shock and dont have it in me to lie nor tell the truth, because i dont know the truth of WTF happened!!! I went to my fathers house and i guess they havent cleaned up the mess and ofr some reason i knew i had to see it, I know this sounds crazy, but my uncle stopped me and im so mad at him, I wanted to cut the bloody carpet out roll it up and take it with me, and Im very upset they didnt let me see, I thknk Im just being irrational, in an irrational situation, Im going to tell my brother on tuesday idk how this is going to go over with him, Im finding out people are selfish when someone dies and all tey care about is the f**king money, it blows my mind and heart into a billion peices, so strange, but Im going through all the emions listed all in a cylce over and over and over , what would maybe bring me closer is yo answer the question why he did it, and thats somehting i will never fully understand kills me inside, idk what to do but keep walking