I don't know how to start. I'm scare of a bad reaction from someone. I suffer from depression but until my eldest son was killed 17 months ago its been terrible and not controlable. I'm always crying, I wake up with a really heavy feeling. I get hurt over nothing and if someone is angry or mean it brings me right down. I hate myself for being such a baby. I think about suicide all the time but I have 3 children at home who need me so i hate myself even more for not wanting to be here. im embarrassed to admit it but i am so terribly lonely. my husband committed suicide 13 years ago and so did my sister who was also my best friend. i don't have any real family so no support. i dont know how to keep myself going anymore. can anyone help me? ive been taking prozac for years but its not enough anymore. i was prescibed seroquel but stopped as it made me sleepy and also zispin tecently but that made me sleepy and i couldnt wake up enough to be a proper mum.