I was listening to my relaxation tape and the phone rang. I could not answer it and my answering machine was not working right.

I *69'd them.

I got a message saying that number cannot be called.

And I automatically got really mad.

I hate it when I can't control a situation.

And it really disturbs me when I get so angry.

I hate back numbers. I hate it when someone can call me but I can't call them, why do we even have *69 if it doesn't fracking work?!

It's not a big deal, I know.

But this has happened most of my life. Someone always had power over me, control, more control than I did. I lived in unequal relationships.

I am an adult. I know this is just life.

But I still react to it and I am ashamed.

Maybe I will do a DBT thing called nonjudgemental stance. Stop judging myself now. Stop judging that guy who called me from a back number.

Carol