Name-calling means loss of love. Killing his self-esteem means loss of love. Making him feel his life is not worth living means loss of love.

Big Mama, you do not call your H a disgusting pervert. So even if you and OP's wife share some underlying causes of a low drive (which is possible in the realm of medications; it is highly unlikely coming from the realm of trauma since OP's wife was quite active, sexually, in the beginning of her interactions with OP, presumably on her own volition - of course, there exists a possibility that she was raped by somebody mid-marriage and reacted in the way she did...), you do not share a common way of reacting to the low drive - you did not and do not call your husband a disgusting pervert and she did and does call her husband a disgusting pervert, on more than one occasion, and that difference puts you and OP's wife on the opposite sides of the divide called "knowing right from wrong".