and i just realize that it is like drug to cease my inner pain, i m using it as spiritual healing.......v self deceiving.
i need a lot of other strength , so that to drive this away finally.

and i had this fantasy habit from little, u used this to escape the pain from beating , etc. because fantasy is most beautiful thing...
real sex is boring and heavy using lots energy , but fatasy is relaxing and comforting, and i used a lot other fantasy too when i met desperate things in life, so finally going so far away

i guess i need a lot brave quality to back to find home

it is so evil that devil using fatasy to destroy people's spirit, fantasy is not visions, it is so tricky and sad