Seems like your wife and you have different needs and different priorities. Being, probably, the both of you overloaded for different reasons, you cannot talk and listen to the other. You both are so stressed that you can only listen to your needs first and when the other does not respond positively, you both feel like he / she is letting you down.

Before radical decisions, please see a counselor.
He might not be answer to all the problems but he/ she should be able to have you both communicate while listening to the other.

Hope I don't sound too tragic, but when we are in too deep things, a third party listening and helping out is really a good idea.

Best luck