Hi,

I haven't posted on here for a couple of years now. I was initially diagnosed as bipolar and then that was changed to borderline personality disorder. I have been prescribed anti depressants which did nothing and also quetiapine which I stopped taking cos of the side effects. I have had psychotherapy for 3 years now which is helping to some degree.

I am not sure if the diagnosis is correct. I do have black and white thinking, feelings of emptiness and unstable relationships but also I have a kinda leaden paralysis depressive feeling, agitation, distractability, periods of heightened creativity as well as lethargy. I also can sleep a few hours a night or for about 10 or 12. I think I am self medicating at weekends especially through alchohol. I often have blissful periods which don't last long but can last a few hours. I have lots of paranoia and anxiety. I get bored of people, projects and things very easily and my concentration is shocking. I have impulsive feelings and have crashed a number of motorcylces, cars etc in my time been quite promiscuous and then avoided sex for ages and had feelings like I was with God or merging with some wider universal consciousness.

The psychiatrist who changed me from bipolar to borderline did say it was marginal between that and bipolar with most others likely to diagnose the latter. My current psychothapist says it is a wide spectrum of experience. I sometimes wonder whether I should take meds because I am still only half functioning but really don't want to be arguing the toss about a rediagnosis.

I also had some quite severe social anxiety when I was younger and there seems to be a lot of crossover between the conditions. My shrink mentions the word temperament a lot and so do my friends. The latest letter to my doctor refers to unstable fluctuations of mood, reactive mood, difficulty developing stable relationships and sense of self.

Could I be cyclothymic or maybe atypical depressive or bipolar 2? Do you think I should try meds? I have moved on but would no way consider myself to be cured or able to function the way I would like?